Wednesday, September 29, 2010

How to Name a Church

Jared Bridges has a really funny post on naming a church. It looks like we are somewhat safe from his satire with a name like, "King of Grace Church", but perhaps not.  Enjoy these excerpts:
While there’s ample biblical precedent for the naming of animals, textual support for the naming of a church is scant.Thankfully, we evangelicals (who are typically disoriented without written instruction) have found a way to remedy this. I’m not sure as to the origins of the method, but the system below can account for approximately 83.585 percent of all evangelical churches. It’s really a rather simple process.
STEP ONE: Start with the list of words below:
  • Grace
  • Life
  • Community
  • Covenant
  • Fellowship
  • Creek
  • Calvary
  • Fire
  • River
  • Road
  • Word
  • Bible
  • Memorial
  • Chapel
  • Spirit
  • Faith
  • Cross
  • Hope
  • Light
  • Redeemer
  • First
Of course, one could readily add the word “Pointe” into the mix above, but by all means, make sure that the trailing “e” is in place if you want to look like a bona fide evangelical church. Otherwise, congregants might miss the “point.”
STEP TWO: Take any combination of the words listed above, in any order, add to them your denominational (or lack thereof) appellation, and tack on the word “Church” at the end.......Voila! Your church now has a name.

Read the whole article here.

No comments: